Leading with a Deep Y-ES: What I Learned About Leadership (and Myself)
When I landed in Barcelona, I was coming out of one of the most fear-filled week I’ve experienced in a long time. The kind of fear that makes your chest tighten and your thoughts spiral, where you imagine the worst: that something might happen to you, your partner, your child. I was literally afraid of death.
It was the day before the leadership retreat. I stepped out into the morning light, still shaky, dragging my suitcase behind me, and something got stuck underneath. I bent down—and there it was: a stick in the shape of a Y-ES.
And it all came back to me.
The deep YES I had felt when I first heard about the leadership programme in autumn 2023. That intuitive knowing: this is for me. Not because I knew exactly what would happen, but because I knew it would support my growth, my authenticity, staying in my power and yes of course growing my leadership capacity. As a parent, a partner, a friend, a business owner, a coach, a community member. How did I «know»? For me it was a deeper knowing, not in my head, but more in my heart: The way people talked about the programme and what they embodied when I got to know them: Presence, clarity, a firm standing in their power, also a sense of no masking and more love than fear.
That yes was clear and stayed clear, so I signed up in December 2024. And then, just a week before leaving in April 2025, the doubts started creeping in, just like they often do «right before». I started questioning everything. What was I thinking? To spend 7 days apart from my 3.5 year old? (Note to myself: My husband was fully there for him) To do this before I have finished coaching certification? It’s a pattern I now recognize: clarity, then action, then fear right before the threshold. I noticed and laughed. And I allowed myself to be in that fear, just recognizing: «I am doing some big steps here, of course, this feels a bit hard AND exciting at the same time.»
And the stick reminded me of that deeper truth. The YES that doesn’t need explanation.
And from there I was even more ready to lean into the learning.
If you want to know more about what I learnt, read on :).
When I started the leadership programme, I thought I already knew how to ask for help. Turns out, I did but only to a point. Here’s what I discovered: I was great at asking for support when I knew exactly what I needed. But when I was in the midst of chaos, unclear or overwhelmed, I would wait. I’d hold back until I could articulate the «perfect, concrete request»—so I wouldn’t burden anyone else. So I wouldn’t feel helpless. So I could keep up the illusion of clarity.
But leadership doesn’t wait for perfect clarity.
It’s okay to ask for help even before I know exactly what I need.
Not just okay, it’s wise. Courageous. Deeply human.
And not only that, but it also acknowledges a truth I already hold dear: that people are resourceful, whole, and creative. That includes the people I reach out to. They can handle ambiguity. They don’t need my questions to be perfect in order to be helpful. In leadership, especially when you’re navigating something new (and let’s be honest—what isn’t new right now?), this is essential. Being able to say, “I need support,” even when it’s vague, is a strength. Whether it’s to a coach, a mentor, a colleague, your partner or a friend.
Equally important: holding space for others to do the same. To allow someone to come to you and say, “I don’t know exactly what’s wrong, but something’s off.»
To respond not with answers, but with presence. That’s powerful leadership.
What I also noticed is how much accepting uncertainty supports me in staying present. The more I allow myself to not have everything figured out, the more I can be in the moment. It makes the process lighter, more alive. I enjoy it more. And honestly: It excites me. I feel more playful, curious, and ready to challenge myself. I can see the learning in everything, and that makes growth feel energising rather than draining.
Another lesson that landed deep in my bones:
Staying with my YEses and my NOes.
I tend to have a strong inner compass (and I firmly believe everyone can achieve this, just a matter of training really). I know what aligns with me, what serves others like my family, my clients, my mission. But too often, I’ve tried to soften that knowing. To explain it, justify it, or twist it to make others more comfortable.
What I’m learning is this:
I don’t have to convince anyone of my truth. I just need to stand in it, with love and clarity.
In parenting, this shows up in moments like not allowing an other sugary treat. Not because I want to dominate, but because I believe in the power of boundaries and I truly love my son. And I can hold the tension—acknowledging his frustration, while still standing with my NO (of course hey really not every day :-D). In truth there is a YES in all NOs, here there might be a YES to healthy food or to a more steady mood through other food choices, that do not put you on a crazy rollercoaster for the rest of the day.
In leadership, this looks like being clear and grounded in what I stand for, even when it’s uncomfortable. Trusting that others can have their own YESes and NOes—and that there’s space for all of it. It’s not about rigid rules. It’s about anchored integrity.
And here is to an other yet compelling learning:
The art of STAYING with your impact as a leader is how you take responsibility and keep on learning.
This one is still working me. When I speak, when I act, when I shift something, my impulse is to move on quickly (I have more work and more impact that I want to generate, right?!). Listen me out here: The idea is that STAYING is an important part of leadership, to stay with the impact we create as leaders. So what happens if I stay? If I stay long enough to feel the impact I’ve created? If I stay to witness what’s unfolding, without rushing to fix or move away?
Leadership requires that kind of presence. And so does love. So do friendship and business and change.
Connected to this is another surprisingly radical insight:
Leaders take their time. YES, as much as this moment / situation / decision requires. This gives space for discernment and clear-headed action.
There’s no rush. Leadership doesn’t live in urgency. It lives in discernment and rolemodeling to take time to make shifts and changes.
That means pausing instead of reacting. My new mantra:
Letting silence and time work its magic.
Asking myself: Do I really want to act now or is the better move to wait for a better time?
Taking time is a way of showing that you trust yourself. That you’re not just reacting to noise, but listening for signal. Imagine this in your own work or family: What if the most powerful thing you could was to slow down?
And when action is taken, then what? Then comes learning.
Always, always learning. Not judgment. Not blame. Just discernment. What worked? What didn’t? What’s the impact? What can I take with me?
Every moment becomes a doorway into growth.
For myself. For my team. For my clients. For my child.
And finally, perhaps the simplest and boldest lesson of all:
Why not?
Such a small question. But if we really ask it from a place of groundedness, of self-trust, of alignment—it opens up the world.
Why not take that step? Why not speak up? Why not say no? Why not say yes?
If the only answer is fear or habit or “that’s how we’ve always done it”, then maybe it’s time to break the pattern.
It’s time to lead and stand in your power.
And there is a space to lead everywhere: Yourself, your life, your family, your business, your team, the whole organization, a movement, a community, …. Start with yourself and expand from there.